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11 October 2012 @ 05:05 pm
isn't it curious how no one cares about each other anymore? everyone is so intent on getting their own opinions and own emotions out there that nothing is left for anyone else. it's sad, really, and disheartening. there's always the exception to the rule, but the exception is farther and farther in-between it seems, these days.
10 October 2012 @ 09:43 pm
the pain that consumed me was swift and brutal. waves on waves of overwhelming emotion that shattered my heart into thousands of little pieces and the worst part of it all was that i couldn't stop it. it did what it wanted without regard for me or him. people say emotions are the body's reaction to our mind, but i felt detached and so completely in tune with my heart at the same time that i'm not sure that it's that easy to separate it. i can deal with the fact that time tears us apart again and again, but the part where he walks away, the last thing i see the back of his jacket and his element hat; that's the one thing i can't handle. i can't handle it when he tells me he loves me and he's going to miss me, because it makes it all the more real that we don't have a present together. we have a past. and a future. but the present is escaping us right beneath our fingertips and it's strange how that's the part that really, truly, hurts. menial everyday life that others take for granted, i'll take with him in a heartbeat over this continuing heartbreak. this repeating goodbye and hello that keeps me in an in-between state of nothing and tears. love, more than anything, deserves better, but it's in the pain where we find the most inspirational of fragments, isn't it? it's worth something to me. more than i can ever explain, and i know it is for him too.

i sometimes wonder if he thinks of these things like i do.

then i laugh and shake my head, because he doesn't. he's too busy enjoying the present for what it is and it hurts that i can't do the same all the time. i wish for the present together with him more than anything else in the world. the future seems so far away sometimes that i just don't know what to do with myself.

our love is transcending time and space, every single moment of every day and i love and hate it at the same time. it's so many conflicting emotions all at once that it's back to overwhelming and the tears start again. slowly, then all at once.
09 June 2011 @ 02:22 am
she touches the ends of her hair: they're split and it's obvious they've been damaged by years of bleaching, but she thinks it's been worth it. her hair's finally the shade of blonde she's always wanted; natural, falling with a bright glow around her shoulders in soft waves that could continue into forever and beyond in her imagination. it's always been her dream, and now that she looks at herself in the mirror, running her fingers through the strands, she smiles. it doesn't reach her eyes like it used to. in fact, her eyes are suddenly filled with tears and they stream quietly down the apples of her cheeks. she's overwhelmed with sadness, because she knows this is the last time she'll look at herself in the mirror and see herself like this. exactly like this.

at the last run-through of her fingers through her hair, a bunch of the strands snap and fall into the palm of her hand. she's shaking a little when she pulls the palm full of blonde hair from her head and looks at it, indescribable fear and grief molding her features into that of a girl who's lost a great love, and yet lost so much more.

she cries herself to sleep because it makes her feel better, and in the morning... she won't ever have to feel this way again.
25 March 2011 @ 03:09 am
it's raining. you're drenched from head to toe; your clothes stick to your body; it's clammy, sticky, and wet, but you're in the middle of a road and just standing there. it feels so good. the rain feels like it's washing away everything that's ever happened to you. it feels like all the dirt from your past is being rinsed away and a clean slate is being paved in front of you.

most of all, though, you just like the way that the rain makes it hard for anyone to tell that you're crying. tears, although saline, mix so easily with the rain, you think when you sink to your knees and feel water dripping from your forehead and nose.

you smile a little, though. maybe this is all you really need. a clean slate.

would it be so bad to hope so?
08 August 2010 @ 06:18 pm
if only the girl with the far-away smile could have her heart unbroken.
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